Jul 06
I’ve got $30 ready to be put in your Paypal account.
Laughter is food for the soul, and it would be great to hear a few jokes over this weekend.
All I want from you is a comment that’ll make me laugh. It can be a quote from somewhere or something you’ve made up, just make sure you fill in the email field. The funniest comment will win the $30 which will be transferred to your paypal account as soon as the contest is over (which will be Sunday).
No catches, no tricks, get to it!
Subscribe to the RSS Feed and catch all future competitions first!
Oh, and why not give it a digg while you’re here 
July 6th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
What did the blind, deaf, mute boy get for Christmas?
cancer.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Because he’s cross-eyed? ” “No, because he’s really heavy”
July 6th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Q : What do you get when you mix a Kangaroo and a Sheep?
A : A Wooly Jumper!
July 6th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
All gold so far!
July 6th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
I got 30$ for this comment.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Not long ago, my brother got a call from a security firm that offered him a promotional burglar alarm at no charge. Happy to get something for free, he gave the direction to our house. But we waited for the whole day. No one showed up.
The next morning the supplier called again to say he was lost. “I’ll try to find you again today” he said.
“Never mind” my brother said. “If you can’t find me, I don’t expect any burglar either”.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
A guy walks into a bar and quickly says to the bartender, “Give me 5 shots of Jack!”
The bartender looks at him and says, “Damn buddy, are you having a bad day?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, I just found out my brother is gay!”
The bartender, feeling bad for the guy, says, “Damn, that is a bad day. I’ll tell you what. The first shot is on me.”
The guy thanks him, takes his shots, and leaves. A week later the same guy comes into the same bar and tells the bartender, “Give me 5 shots of Jack!”
The bartender looks at him and says, “Damn buddy, are you having another bad day?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, I just found out my other brother is gay too!”
The bartender says, “Damn, that is a bad day. I’ll tell you what. The first shot is on me again.”
The guy thanks him, takes his shots, and leaves. The next week the same guy walks into the same bar and says, “Bartender give me 10 shots of Jack!”
The bartender looks at him confused and says, “Damn buddy, doesn’t anyone in your family like women?”
“Yeah, my wife!”
July 6th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
A little boy goes to his father and asks
“Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers: “Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: You Got Male
July 6th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom
mirror and says to her husband:
“I look horrible, and I feel fat and ugly.
Pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies: “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
July 6th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
You know the show “The Amazing Race”?
Is that about white people
July 6th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
A: What you`ll do if your girlfriend starts smoking ?
B: Slow down and use some grease.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
There will only be 49 contestants in the Miss Black America Contest this year because no one wants to wear the banner that says “IDAHO”.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
“Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
“The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’ The operator says: ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’
“There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: ‘OK, now what?’”
[b]LOL[/b]
July 6th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked an elderly aged man named Moishe to represent them. Rabbi Moishe’s Latin wasn’t very good - in fact, he knew very little–but he was a man of great faith and well respected in the Jewish community. The pope agreed. What could be easier than a silent debate?
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay.”
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. “What happened?” they asked. “Well,” said Moishe, “First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here.” “And then?” asked a woman. “I don’t know,” said Moishe. “He took out his lunch and I took out mine.”
July 6th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
Two flies are on a pile of crap, one farts and the other says, ‘do you mind, I’m trying to have my dinner!’
July 6th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
edward deserves the $30
July 6th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
What is the difference between a gay man and a refridgerator?
The refridgerator won’t fart when you pull the meat out!
July 7th, 2007 at 1:54 am
I don’t consider myself bald. I’m simply taller than my hair.
July 7th, 2007 at 2:46 am
This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place and he takes a seat at the bar.
“This is a nice place. I’ve never been here before,” he says to the guy next to him.
“Oh, really?” the other replies. “It is a nice place. It’s also a very special bar.”
“Why is that?” the first guy asks.
“Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That’s an original Van Gogh, and this stool I’m sitting on was on the Titanic.”
“Gee, that’s amazing!” says the first guy.
“Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you’ll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you’re pushed back up.”
“No way! That’s impossible,” the guy scoffs.
“Not at all. Take a look,” the other man replies, and with that the walks over to the window and opens it.
He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10… 20…30…40… 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh! He comes right back up and sails back through the window.
“See? It’s fun. You should try it,” he says.
“Try it?! I don’t even believe I saw it!” the first man shouts.
“It’s easy. Watch, I’ll do it again.” And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40… 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh! He comes right back up and sails back through the window.
“Give it a try. It’s a blast,” he says.
“Well what the heck, I’ll give it a try,” the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10… 20…30…40… 50…60…70…80…90…100 feet and Splat!! He ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk.
After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar, and orders a drink. The bartender arrives with the drink and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”
July 7th, 2007 at 2:48 am
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
July 7th, 2007 at 4:21 am
So you want to laugh, eh? Well go to http://www.mrpregnant.com
That should do the trick. Enjoy!
July 7th, 2007 at 5:40 am
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
July 7th, 2007 at 7:10 am
An old man was watching Star TV at his home…. Suddenly he went wild, got up and searched the whole house.. Finally disappointed came back to his seat and sat down, scratching his head.. Watching his strange behaviour his wife asked “Wats the matter with you Dear, What happened ??? ” To this the man replied ” Hey, there is a spy cam inside our house, Or else how will the TV person say correctly “YOU ARE WATCHING SATR TV !!!”
July 7th, 2007 at 7:24 am
i am selling wireless cables t very cheap rate to contact please use the wireless cables to email me, these cables are available at doorless shops with 1 minute guarantee.
July 7th, 2007 at 7:45 am
A boxer is declared winner of a competition. But his trainer takes all the prize money (slightly more than $30) and leaves nothing for him. But the boxer is happy. Why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Boxer is a dog and he just won 1st place in a dog show contest. A new bone is all he wants!
July 7th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Hi, my name is Blahm. And i enjoy painting with the blood of virgins.
July 7th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Did you hear about the man who put viagra in his ear?
Now he’s hard of hearing.
July 7th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
No you didn’t.
July 7th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
You’re the weiner.
July 7th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Pray, verb: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
July 7th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
1. If vegetable oil is made out of vegetables and peanut oil is made out of peanuts, then baby oil is made out of…uh oh…
2. “What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.”
3. “Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn’t do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn’t do my homework.”
4. “I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.”
July 7th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
I’m not cheating, just playing by different rules.
July 8th, 2007 at 12:31 am
Typhoo have started putting Viagra in thier Teaa Bags, you don’t get a hard on but when you dunk your biscuits they don’t go soft!
July 8th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Just a few more hours left! I already have a few favorites so keep them coming!
July 8th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Who won!
July 8th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
We have a winner!
July 9th, 2007 at 5:57 am
yes, who won?
July 9th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
I need $30 give me right now.
July 10th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Who won
I can’t wait
July 10th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Winner was announced here;
http://www.designprophet.co.uk/2007/07/08/contest-winner-and-weekly-roundup/